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Die!
-November 30 2003, 23:35 #169
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Fuck it
-June 29 2003, 00:30 #168
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Ladies man
-June 29 2003, 00:00 #167
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So my anguish reached a climax and I decided I needed a woman. So I met someone and we went out on a date. Nothing fancy, just a walk in the daylight. About 10 minutes into it when we were sitting on a bench, she abruptly stood up and said "yeah, I need to go now," and that was that. That's how pathetic I am. I finally get the guts to ask out a woman and go on a date and she runs away! Suicide has never looked better, folks.
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Only in Bracebridge
-June 28 2003, 15:44 #166
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Only in Bracebridge can you hear a radio ad for a theater that actually contains the term "butt cramps".
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Apocalypse squared (a dream)
-June 28 2003, 03:03 #165
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I was at a party in a small, one storey house. There were lots of people there. The party was rather dull, as time kept looping. We'd relive the same 4 or 5 hours over and over again. Of course, since I had only been at the party for an hour or so, I hadn't had a chance to experience the time loop yet. But others had.
"There is a huge plane about to go overhead really, really low!" shouted someone. "It's a weird looking plane, I think it's Russian." So we all went outside to witness the phenomenon. And sure enough, a gigantic plane began to fly overhead, and indeed it was weird looking. It had gigantic thrusters on the back, at least 3 on each side. It was flying very low. "Wow," I heard people exclaim. "What the fuck?" I heard someone laugh as we saw a person jump out of the plane with a parachute. He floated slowly toward the ground. "Uhhh, is anyone driving the plane?" I said with a wobbly voice, fear growing in my mind. The plane began to wobble in the air, more and more frantically. We all knew the answer. We started backing up slowly toward the house, then faster. We got to the house just in time to see the plane hit the ground, a giant mushroom cloud resulting. Everything turned grey. Pieces of flaming wreckage slammed against every part of the house. Shards of molten metal flew through newly developed holes in the walls. It was hell on Earth. The apocalypse had come. Darkness.
I was at a party in a small, one storey house. There were lots of people there. The party was rather exciting, as time kept looping. We all knew too well now that time kept looping every 5 hours. We all knew that in just a few hours the world would end. And we all knew what we were going to do about it.
"The plane is about to go overhead!" shouted someone. We all went outside. And sure enough, the plane flew overhead. And sure enough, the pilot jumped out. We waited, knowing we had very little time, knowing we probably wouldn't live to see the next loop in time. "Grab him!" shouted someone, just as the pilot hit the ground. Two or three of us grabbed the pilot by the back of his shirt and bolted toward the house. As we ran, I looked behind me and saw that the plane was already too close to the ground. We weren't going to make it. The house seemed so far away. Getting further. Time slowed down. I looked around the group of people running, I saw their mouths opening but no screams came. There was no sound. "We'll never make it!" I shouted, although no sound was heard. The sky began to turn grey. Everything began to lose its colour. I knew the plane had hit. I knew we would die. Slowly a force seemed to pick up behind us. The explosion was reaching us. My feet ceased to touch the ground. The door to the house was so close. So close.
We had made it. Every one of us was alive. We each dodged the flying debry in the house with such precision, it was as if we'd done it before. We each took turns punching the captured pilot. We were alive, and we knew we'd only have to live in this hell for another hour or so. The pilot was stuck in the time loop with us. The apocalypse would be averted.
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The case of the bird watching Iraqi (a dream)
-June 28 2003, 03:02 #164
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I was attending a shindig at someone's house. It didn't seem strange that I had no idea whose house it was. It was a house, nonetheless. I was on the back deck drinking cola with my dad. We were anxiously awaiting a guest scheduled to come from Iraq. No one famous, mind you, or interesting in any way other than that he was an Iraqi. We were going to go bird watching with the Iraqi when he arrived. The party was boring.
The Iraqi finally arrived. He had long hair, which I found strange for some reason. Iraqis don't have long hair! Not on television, anyway. So there we have it, we all went out bird watching. Nothing interesting happened for a while. Fast forward...
We decided to take a break, so we went back to the house where the aforementioned party had taken place. But alas, a murder had taken place! A young woman who I didn't even remember seeing at the party was dead in the middle of the living room floor. The crowd stood around the dead body in awe-struck silence. Nobody said, but we all knew, this murder had the signature of the recently famous serial killer who had been at large. What was the signature? Nothing, really. Just how it was done. It had style. Did the Iraqi do it? Somehow that thought popped into my mind. Of course not, you fool, the Iraqi was with us the whole time.
After everyone but me and my father had left the room, apparently bored with the murder, I decided to look around. Nothing seemed out of place. No signs of a struggle. Then I found something: a folded piece of paper with a phone number on it. Just as I was about to throw away the pointless item, a memory hit me like a ton of bricks: the news broadcasts of all the other murders had all shown a piece of paper with a phone number on it! It was such an obscure background item in the shot that I was surprised I had remembered it. The police hadn't apparently considered it a valid clue. What should I do now? Of course, my curiosity got the better of me. I called the number.
After 3 rings, my grandfather picked up the phone.
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Riffage
-June 28 2003, 02:23 #163
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Jackson and I haven't practiced in weeks, due to conflicting work schedules (we both work at the same place, and have annoyingly different shifts). On Sunday we are going to damn well practice or die trying. I've written so many new riffs my guitar is about to explode (I've even been playing it with the hand injury), and Jackson allegedly wrote a 7 minute song. Usually when we go for a long time without practicing we stick to just playing our "old" songs (any song already completely written), but this time it seems we are going to be writing up a storm. Unfortunately though, when we get writing we can't stop (kind of like an orgasm), so our "old" songs will probably go unpracticed and remain quite rusty. Anyway, the point is, we're going to practice finally. Oh yeah, for this practice session, I'm planning on shedding the bonds of bandages and playing through the pain (and blood). It'll be like that Twilight Zone episode where the guy's guitar kills people.
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Blogger sighs
-June 27 2003, 08:11 #162
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Sigh, they seemingly fixed the archiving system on Blogger. I kinda wish I was back on it. Sigh.
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Police states
-June 25 2003, 20:41 #160
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One cannot become an American citizen if one is polytheist.
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Euthamaiming
-June 25 2003, 18:41 #159
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We got a new meat slicer at work today. Consequently I was the first one to use it. I had to slice cheese with it. When I started using it, I noticed that it was leaving black marks on the cheese. Hasn't it been washed yet? Leaving the machine on, I ran my hand down the track to check if it was dirty. Zzzzt! Blood everywhere. Oh well.
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Fuck you, du Maurier
-June 21 2003, 18:00 #158
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I bought my first weeks supply of Nicoderm today. Let the cigarette jihad begin! June 23rd, 2002 was the day I started smoking again after 6 glorious months of freedom. June 22nd 2003 will be the end. 364 days. During my 6 month oxygen binge, I always said to myself "if I ever start smoking again, I don't know if I could go through quitting again." Well I will. I tried a few times to quit without the patch in the past year, because I argued that it was "important" to prove I had control over my mind. Well I don't care to prove that anymore because evidently I don't have control. But I have better weapons now.
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Old tires West Nile risk?
-June 21 2003, 15:25 #157
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This was news last year. What, do the scientists working on this just throw out their findings at the end of each summer and "discover" it all again next year? Not much is gonna get done that way.
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Freedom Fries
-June 20 2003, 18:44 #156
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The French do things for the same reason everyone else does things. They don't do things just to piss off America. Are you all so self-centered mindless fools that you think everything any other country does is purely to piss off America? Other countries have to govern themselves. What's the problem? France did what France had to do. This isn't the world of James Bond. France isn't just a bunch of super villains trying to take over the world or something. It's a country. USA does a lot of things other countries don't like, but you don't see all of us assuming you're doing it just to spite us.
By the way, for anyone who uses WWII as some pathetic reason to hate the French: Yes, the French got taken over by the Nazi's pretty fast, and didn't do much to retaliate or try to gain back their freedom, blah blah blah. Maybe if you put down your narrow-minded patriot-blinders for a second and actually open a history book, you'll change your tune. France was completely ravaged from WWI, where they took pretty much the blunt of the war. They had no army to defend themselves with. And if you think America "saved" them for some altruistic reason, then turn to page 2 of your history book please. They did nothing until Japan attacked pearl harbour, and then they only partook in the operations that made money. Most of America's force was focused on Japan. There were financiers in America that could benefit from "saving" France, and those financiers had a lot of sway. The end.
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Drums
-June 19 2003, 23:52 #155
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It's official. We (Mozeba) are going to write a song with drums in it! I plan on writing the most insane electronic drum part and we are going to write the most exciting song ever written over it. It'll be so exciting, the listener will sweat just listening to it. The listener will sweat just thinking about it. That is all.
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Workaholics anonymous
-June 19 2003, 23:01 #154
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My life is officially work. I got to work the happy suicidal night shift today and I get to work the morning shift, err, in a few hours! Oh boy! Apparently I was chosen to work this anomalous night shift because I'm such a good dishwasher and I "could keep up and not freak out". Apparently I'm actually good at dishwashing. I constantly get comments like "I'm impressed with your workmanship" and "God, I've never seen this place so clean", and "how do you do that so fast?" from various coworkers, including the chef (my boss). Two years ago when I worked at the same place I got fired for being lazy! God I wish I was still lazy.
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Wow
-June 19 2003, 04:45 #153
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Here is an excerpt from the latest entry in Salam Pax's blog, for the few who don't actually read it:
I was trying to get a taxi at 10:30pm last night (which is a stupid and dumb thing to do in the first place ? curfew is still at 11:00pm) so this car stops and we agree on a 2000 dinar fare. The moment I sit in the car he starts cursing and swearing at ?them?. Suddenly he stops in mid sentence turns to me and asks angrily
- are you a Muslim?
*he has a muslim looking beard, is angry and I defiantly don?t want to start a theological discussion with him*
- yes, alhamdulillah I am a muslim.
- are you working with ?them??
*oh dear this is not going anywhere good*
- No! of course not. Why should I?
Pause.
- so do you think if I hide a hand grenade under the dash board they would be able to find it?
*shitshitshit*
- listen I really think you should be careful they have equipment which is able to detect these things, you really shouldn?t carry a hand grnade around.
- aha! So you know what equipment they use
*fuck*
- no,no, I said they might have this sort of equipment.
just then we pass a US patrol; one humvee and a couple of soldiers on foot. He slows down and looks intensely at them. They are on my side and he leans on me to look out of the window. This is the point when I start wondering whether I will die from the explosion after the this crazyfuck throws the grenade or from the retaliation fire.
He decides to shout stuff and whizzes off.
I just thought it warranted mention/plagiarization.
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I had a reality
-June 19 2003, 04:31 #152
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I had a dream that was too disorganized and short to post in Tao of Dreams, but certainly interesting enough to post. But, the most interesting part isn't the dream itself. Here is a summary of the dream:
I had broken into some huge loft. The woman who owned it started seducing me. Her husband got jealous and cut a small square into my index finger. I spent the rest of the dream looking (unsuccessfully) for a band-aid.
The interesting thing is that I don't even remember going to sleep. I remember eating supper and then I woke up at 3am. And, here's the freaky part, I have a cut on my left index finger that I didn't notice before. Not only did I not notice it, I played guitar earlier and still apparently didn't notice it. I assume I got the cut at work and somehow it didn't bleed or anything, but I played guitar after work and still it didn't bleed or hurt or anything? I'm pretty creeped out by the whole thing, anyway.
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Headphone jack woes
-June 18 2003, 00:15 #151
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The headphone jack on this computer seems to be broken. It randomly stops transmitting the sounds to the headphones, instead opting to have the sound come out of the regular computer speakers. This isn't a problem with the headphones themselves, as I've tried it with other cords and things of the same size. Sigh.
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Story of my (sex) life
-June 17 2003, 23:36 #150
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As I promised, I will regale you on why I have the views I have and what those views are concerning "love". First, I'll regale you with a few stories of "sexual regrets" I've had in my life:
One day a long time ago, I was walking around outside for some inexplicable reason. At one point, this car jam packed with gorgeous women stopped beside me. They explained they were on vacation from Florida and wondered where the local McDonalds was. I gave them pretty simple directions (consider if they had drive a few feet further, they could clearly see the McDonalds sign), but they insisted they wouldn't be able to find it. "Hop in, and give us directions," they suggested. "Oh boy!" thought I. Without a second thought, I tried to open one of the doors. "Oh, the doors are broken, just jump in through the window," the driver explained. As I started readying myself for the climb through the window, something suddenly held me back. For some crazy reason, I had second thoughts. I just couldn't do it. I excused myself away from the situation and ran off. To this day I regret not getting into that car.
During my last year of high school, I was the drummer for the extra-curricular activity known as "senior band" (I had been a drummer in the band, off and on, since grade 9). Our school's music program was inexplicably good. We had a very high reputation as one of the best in the region, and in the country as a whole. After competing in a regional music competition and getting gold, we were off to the nationals, in Ottawa. During our week long trip to Ottawa, which was quite boring, one day I was sitting in the lobby of the college campus we were staying at, watching people play billiards, for lack of anything better to do. In walks this beautiful young lady, she slumps down on the couch beside me. We get to talking. She complains to me how it's her birthday and all her friends forgot, and she's all alone and sad. I could have, right there and then, got up and taken her out for an unforgettable good time. I had something like $200 spending money in my pocket, and pretty much nothing to do for a week. Who knows what could have happened. But like I do in any new social situation (I know JD can sympathize with this), I froze. I became a stupor of monosyllabic responses. For two or three hours, we sat there in uncomfortable silence. She finally left, obviously disappointed, probably because she expected me to take her out somewhere. This too, I regret to this day (although I very likely would have regretted had it had the opposite results). By the way, we won silver at the competition (at one point during the performance, my drum stool broke, I had to get down and fix it, and managed to jump back into my seat and start drumming just as my big solo came up, it somehow added to our score).
As some of you may know, I am part of a two-piece band called Mozeba. A couple of years ago, in the summer, we were slated to open for The Crash Test Dummies in an annual local festival called Riverfest (no, we ended up getting bumped out of the festival by the local "popular" band, who didn't even show up for the audition). Anyway, somehow we had a fan from Michigan, and she told me (via email) that she was planning on coming all the way up here (an 11 hour drive) to see us perform and to buy our latest CD. Even though I'm sure she really came up to see the Crash Test Dummies, she was basically a "groupie". We ended up having three days of almost non-stop sex in her hotel room. On the third day, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I wouldn't explain why I had inexplicably been out all night. I went back to the hotel room just to say good-bye. She was crying when I left. I should also mention that she was married, and I found out later (via the Internet), that they had gotten a divorce very soon afterwards. This I definitely regret.
Anyway, although those stories (at least the last one) definitely cause me issues concerning romantic relationships, that is not really the reason I said earlier "I'll never find love". I should explain that I'll probably find love, but it'll never materialize into anything, as I stated before. The real reason for this is that it's always been in the back of my mind that music is so damn important to me, and such a high priority, that I could never have love as highest priority. Any woman who would choose to share their life with me would deserve top priority, but I could never give it.
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Too wit
-June 16 2003, 23:48 #149
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The funniest thing I saw on the Internet today, care of Dean's World:
By the way, if anyone cares, I don't do anything with your cookies except remember what color choices you like. And I plan to sell that information to the government as soon as I can figure out how to use it to track your daily movements...
Note: I plan on posting many entries entitled "Too wit", documenting quotes from the web that I find funny. It's rare that I find something that I find laugh-out-loud funny, so it deserves posting. Probably one per day, or whatever.
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Revolution
-June 16 2003, 23:34 #148
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Having basically declared Genetic Angelics a failure, we are setting are sights now on the next recording endeavour. And we have some new ideas that should make it quite incredible. Basically, we are planning on discarding our previous "purist" views and going for full on overdubbing! We're gonna work the shit out of this 8-track recorder. Other than the fact that our newest songs are quite amazing, I think nothing else revolutionary is happening to make the next record special. One thing I want out of it, that I will not compromise on, is that I want it to be loud. I want it to match the volume of normal CDs. I'm sick and tired of our recordings always being so subpar in the volume department. On one of our drafts of Genetic Angelics, it was louder than normal CDs, but it was distorted on some parts. We planned on making our final copy just a bit quieter so as to eliminate the distortion. It somehow ended up being way quieter.
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Headphones
-June 16 2003, 23:09 #147
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I'm quite surprised. These headphones I bought for $9 (which are of the "ear bud" variety) are actually pretty good. They sound awesome, and they haven't stopped working yet. I have listened to them at quite loud volumes and I assume they'd be pretty wrecked by now but they're fine.
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The Metallica redemption
-June 15 2003, 21:55 #146
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When I was 11 years old, I started listening to Metallica. I had never really been a fan of a band ever before. I don't know what it was about them, it just meshed with my mind. It was like my brain was running parallel with their music. When I was 12 I got my first guitar. Although I didn't realise it at the time, I already had music running through my mind, and that is why I interpreted Metallica music so well. Specifically, it was the rhythms that I seemed to already "know". Also, the use of the "minor harmonic" scale meshed well with my mind. To this day it is my favourite musical scale. It just has that something that I crave.
Any other bands or artists I've become a fan of since then has been because I am a musician. I guarantee I never would have become a musician if it wasn't for Metallica. I know it seems shallow that some popular band should have such an effect on me, especially me, who is wholeheartedly against popular music culture. But that is the way of it.
I can say quite truthfully that I would be dead right now if it weren't for music. The fact is, I should probably be considered a "savant", as I am literally not good at anything but music. But, not to sound egotistical, I am really good at music. Of course, no one can reach "perfection" in music, so measuring a musicians ability is rather moot. But I understand music better than most people, or more deeply, to be exact. Like most people, I've had good times, and bad times during my childhood/adolescence. And like most people, I remember the bad times much more vividly than the good times. And the fact is, without some sort of emotional release, most people would probably have committed suicide by now. I have absolutely no emotional release other than music. I am not exaggerating in the least. Music is how, and only how, I express my emotions to date. You'd probably have to know me (or have such specialized emotions yourself) to understand this. To tell you the truth, and I'm not being paranoid, many people who meet me think I'm retarded, or otherwise mentally disabled.
If it wasn't for Metallica I'd be dead. I am alive because of Metallica. And since my life seemingly exists because of and for music, Metallica really is my "roots". I mentioned earlier that I learned guitar by reading, and playing, an "...And Justice For All" tabulature book. That is the only tabulature book I ever read. I never took lessons (other than school music class, which I failed, and school guitar class, which I passed only because I was beyond anything they taught anyway).
With that being said, I was greatly disturbed when I heard the latest Metallica album, St. Anger. I found it hideous. I found it horrible. But I was determined to understand it. It wasn't in my capacity to believe they could release something so literally bad. So I listened to it constantly over the past three days. In fact, I hardly did anything else. I copied the album on to this computer so I could listen to it even when my brother left. I bought headphones just so I could listen to it from a different perspective. I had to like it. I forced myself to like it.
And I do. I love it now. It is the best thing they've done, in my opinion. The songs are brilliant. That's all I have to say.
Edit: I keep finding myself wanting to sing along to the songs, which is very strange. Especially since the lyrics are so stupid. Even stupider than most Metallica songs.
"You flush it out, you flush it out. St. Anger round my neck. You flush it out, you flush it out. He never gets respect".
I think I made my point. I really do love this album though. It's so good I want to cry.
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Genetic Angelics
-June 15 2003, 00:23 #145
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A few days ago we finally got the printed copies of Genetic Angelics back from the printing company. I was pleasantly surprised at the glossiness of the insert and how the back of the CD was normal coloured. Also, the company warned us earlier that the words on the insert might look blurry, and they were fine. I was pretty happy. Anyway, I finally decided to give it a listen. My D: drive doesn't even recognize it as a CD! It says it's empty. What the fuck? I wonder if Jackson has tested another copy yet. Anyway, this sucks.
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McAgony
-June 14 2003, 23:15 #144
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Today, about an hour ago, I decided to go for a walk. I had $100 in my pocket on the off chance that I happened by a store that sells headphones (I am now determined to buy headphones in an attempt to understand the new Metallica album better, I owe them that much). Anyway, I went down to the Roger's Video parking lot, and decided to turn back. Then I went by McDonalds. A little back story: it has been about a year, more or less, since I've eaten "fast-food". Anyway, I found myself inexplicably walking toward the restaurant entrance. "What am I doing?" I said to myself. I tried to turn away. My body was no longer under my control. "Well, maybe I'll just get some fries, to go," I told myself. "No!" I silently screamed. I turned back onto the road. "Can I get a Big Xtra meal, please?" I heard my voice saying in my head. My pace automatically slowed. I was pushing against a wall of addiction. "This is ridiculous, I just ate pork chops 3 hours ago, I'm not even hungry!" My feet became heavy. I almost had to crawl away. But I found that the further I got from the restaurant, the weaker its power over me got. I was free.
Three minutes later when I reached the top of Monck Hill, KFC caught me in its tractor beam. Again I metaphorically crawled away. Two minutes later it was Bill's Pizza. "Come on, get a Banquet burger," my mind screamed at me. By now I was trembling. I needed something. I needed to revert to my previous lifestyle in some way. I ducked into Mike's Mart. I bought two ice cream sandwiches, and upon finishing them, discarded the wrappers on the street, littering. I felt better.
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